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When we presented ourselves to the French authorities with our wish to leave, we had very little money in our purses because in our position we wouldn’t have had very much money. Mistress’ was quite a wealthy woman, and to simply walk away from her savings, her position of power and influence, and become a simple refugee, must have been very difficult for her to do. Yet she said that money and power weren’t worth anything if she had no one to share it with! We left most of her cash in her billet to help give the impression that she hadn’t left willingly, and I suspect that a good chunk of it ended up in a greedy bastard of an investigator’s pocket! It would have been very nice if we could simply have bought a new double bed and all of the accoutrements to go with it, the way we would have in Paris, yet we couldn’t afford even a black market blanket set!
I was very surprised to discover that my worries with my parents were completely unfounded. They accepted Michelle as my lover, and allowed us to share a bed under their roof, without any form of protest, although I obviously couldn’t continue to address Michelle as "Mistress" in public. At least my parents permitted me to share a bed with my lover, the way they wouldn’t have if I’d hade a male lover; I’d have had to marry him before that was permitted. If it had been possible, I would have married Michelle. As Michelle and I couldn’t be married, my parents thought that we may as well have been allowed to ‘live in sin’. It was strange getting used to addressing my Mistress by any proper name, let alone a false one! For reasons I can’t explain, I quite enjoyed addressing Michelle as "Mistress," and I continued to do so in private for many years; in fact I still do on occasion!
The war finished just the way Mistress predicted it would, with the defeat of her nation. The organization that Mistress had belonged to was declared an illegal organization by the victors; many men were hanged and considerable numbers of prison sentences were handed down to men and women who had had little choice but to follow orders, and that really wasn’t fair. You can’t declare an entire organization to be illegal only after it was disbanded at the point of a gun! We heard all about it on the radio and read about it in the papers, and thanked our lucky stars that Mistress wasn’t in the dock at Nuremberg, which she probably would have been if she’d been unable to safely escape from her career, and a life sentence in Spandau prison would not have been a surprise.
That was nearly ten years ago, and ‘Michelle’ and I are still together after almost fifteen years. We even adopted a seven year old war orphan in 1946, and she’s recently been married. What is ironic about our little family is that our ‘daughter’ was orphaned by the Royal Air Force, rather than any branch of the German army! Mistress said it was a good way for her to rehabilitate, and perhaps even make up a little for what she did to other people during the war.
Mistress’ conscience will probably be forever stained with the blood spilled for her, in the course of her duty; in the course of vigorous interrogations of captured resistance fighters and S.O.E. operatives. When I dropped out of that converted bomber, I understood the risk of being captured by the enemy, and I knew what might happen to me if that occurred. Could I have blamed Mistress for what would have happened to me as a consequence of my getting caught, if she hadn’t thought that I was pretty and wanted to claim my virginity for herself? I was fortunate in a way that I couldn’t have expected, and would never have imagined. How many S.O.E. agents came out of Gestapo headquarters with a lover for life?
I don’t think that Mistress will ever forgive herself for what her duty made her do; no matter how long she lives or how she tries to make amends. In her past, Mistress hurt so many people, and sent others to their deaths, so that she needs to atone by doing whatever she can, to help others, and she came up with a fine way to perform penance!
Would I surprise you by telling you that the ex Gestapo colonel is now a junior nurse in a French hospital, specializing in treating wounded veterans from the war? Well, she is!
Michelle graduated virtually at the top of her class and could have selected almost any hospital she wanted to work in, yet she chose to work with wounded soldiers. She descended from Queen of the hill; area commander for the Gestapo, to next to nothing; a mere rank and file nurse at the bottom of the pecking order. The strange thing is that Nurse Mistress is far happier in her new white uniform, than she ever was as Obersturmbannfuhrer Mistress in her old uniform. With her dedication to her job, Michelle won’t remain a junior nurse, though. She’ll get promoted, just like she did in her previous line of work, but this time it’ll be purely on merit, because she has no influential patron.
The doctors love her for her dedication to patient welfare, and the veterans themselves think she’s the best nurse since Florence Nightingale. If they’d seen her in Paris in late ’43 in her previous uniform, they wouldn’t be saying that! They’d be screaming to put her in front of a firing squad, and arguing amongst themselves as to who got to pull the triggers. As it stands, the veterans are virtually all old-fashioned men, and I doubt that there’s even one of them who wouldn’t risk his life for the ‘pretty little nurse with the funny accent.’ As Mistress puts it in her own works, "Fifty percent ex wealthy Paris socialite and fifty percent ex murdering Berlin bitch, and they have no idea! Let’s hope it stays that way, or they’ll hang me from one of the ceiling lights!"
Nurse Maginot frequently comes home with bouquets of flowers; gifts from patients and their families, as recognition of her dedication to her job, and you’ve got to see the irony in that. One young Frenchman who served with Bomber Command, being given ongoing treated for bad burns sustained in a crash, even gave her a red rose! How would he react to knowing that the pretty nurse who comes running with painkillers and salve whenever he shouts, was the same woman to send his twin brother to Dachau concentration camp early in ’42 after having him tortured for nearly two weeks?
However, if extra hours need to be put in, or an extra shift worked, the doctors know which nurse to call upon, and Michelle will be there for her patients when they need her, simply because that’s what she does.
Sometimes, after she’s done long shifts, and crazy amounts of extra shifts, I accuse her of caring more for her job than for her family, but she knows that it’s just the frustration speaking, and that I don’t really mean any of it. It’s just that being left alone for upwards of fourteen hours at a stretch reminds me of the long days I sometimes spent in her billet when we first got together, and those are days that I sometimes want to forget all about.
It uprooted the family when Michelle qualified as a nurse, but I thought that if it made her feel better about herself, I’d move anywhere she wanted to go, so when she asked me to accompany her to her new posting, two hundred miles from anyone I knew, I didn’t even hesitate; I told her that I’d go anywhere she went.
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