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Me and Harvey slept together yesterday and we just this minute finished talking about giving things a second chance.
Yesterday I was going about my normal day with my tasks like always, when in the middle of Long Beach I seen Harvey and Edvard. My first thought was to turn around and hope that they didn't see me but unfortunately I was with Brit "isn't that Harvey and Edvard?" she inquired. I turned to look at her and said "yes! can we go?" Brit looked at me and said "don't you want to talk to him?" after a short pause I said "of course I do! I want to go hold Edvard in my arms and I want to kiss Harvey but we're not together anymore and Edvard isn't my child" in the mist of talking to Brit Harvey had came behind me and said "Hey guys how's things" I turned to face Harvey and said "Hey Harvey" still feeling a little strange calling him Harvey and not babe. I continued and said "I'm good Harvey how are you?" at this point Brit had excused herself from the convocation and went looking im some stores. "I'm okay a little tired but it's my job to look after Edvard" I smiled and Harvey continued "want to hold him?" "yeah! yes I really would" Harvey handed Edvard over to me. A few seconds of holding Edvard I began to cry and handed him back. I walked away saying "I'm sorry Harvey I cant handle this"
On my way to my car Brit came up to me and said "What happened?" I told her "I cant deal with it Brit I've got to go" I drove home (to the apartment Harvey moved back to his moms house) and I sat there thinking about things, not just about Harvey and Edvard but real things like where is my life going and what does my future hold. I poured two Jack Daniels and took one of the glasses and walked into the living room. About 20 minutes later I heard a key in the door and someone letting them self in. I said "There's a drink for you in the kitchen Harvey" a few moments later Harvey came into the living room and said "how did you know it was me?" I looked at him and said "we have been married nearly two years Harvey I know when something isn't finished with you" "I've come to see if your okay" "I'm fine you don't need to care about me and my feelings anymore we are separated now remember" "We may be separated but I refuse to believe we’re over Leon we've been though worse than this" "have we really Harvey because I don't think we have" Harvey came and sat next to me and took my hand I said "don't Harvey please don't because your going to walk out that door again and my heart can't take it" "Leon I lo......" I cut Harvey off in mid sentence and said "no! Harvey don't tell me you love me I broke us I was too stupid and weak to fight for my rights to be a dad to our son and now im paying the price for my actions" Harvey stroked my cheek and said "I love you Leon and I always will" both me and Harvey reached into each other and kissed. Before I new it Harvey was leading me into are/my bedroom we was kissing all over each others bodies me and Harvey had sex for about an hour and feel asleep when i woke up again harvey wasnt there. I walked out the bedroom and found Harvey in the bathroom having a shower. I walked into the bathroom and said to Harvey "so what happends now" harvey continuing to shower said "babe we need to talk big time" Harvey finihsed his shower and came into the living room where we talked for over an hour and decided we would take it slow and i would go to counciling for my feeling of not being worth while as Edvards dad. Harvey decided he would try and keep to the social status that me and my family are accustom to and finally I would go back to school and restudy English class to help with my Dyslexia. (I understand I am the main course of mine and Harvey's relationship breakdown. I am selfish and self centred and theses are issues I need to work on)
anyway me and Harvey decided to go out for dinner as a family we went to a lovely place where Edvard enjoyed him self I can't believe how much he has grown in so little time. When we was finished we drove over to my moms house to see what she could do about my parental right however she didn't have a good answer for me apparently my options are I can go thought the courts again to get my son back or I could try paying his mother off to get my right back
After we had a long convocation with my mom I went back to my apartment and just kept thinking how much I love Harvey but a big part of me is still scared about reopening my feeling towards Harvey because my love towards Harvey is so strong but sometimes I feel I loose myself
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