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She reached under her jacket to tuck in her blouse and make it look presentable, with the exception of a button that had gone missing. Then she tugged on the lapels of her jacket to resettle it on her shoulders and pulled down the sleeves into their proper place. She reached up with both hands to do a better job of restoring order to her hair than I had been able to do.
And during this entire time she didn’t look at me. Not once.
When everything was in place she started to walk behind the desk, presumably in search of her shoes. But then suddenly she stopped, turned back towards me and fell to her knees. After a moment she reached out and put her arms around my legs. After another moment she allowed her head to rest against my thigh, letting her legs slip out from under her so she could snuggle closer.
She didn’t look up at me, and she spoke very softly, as if talking to herself. "I wasn’t afraid yesterday, not at first. Not while you were there. It was… After you left, I suddenly felt so lonely, there in the restaurant. I wanted you to come back and sit with me and talk to me about…everything that we’d…"
She trailed off for a moment, then continued. "…And I knew I should go back to work, but I kept sitting there and all I could think about was you, and I kept going over and over the things you did and said, and the things you made me do, and I kept getting more and more…ohhhh, god….
"…And suddenly I just… I wanted to run out to my car, or back to the office, or even just to the restroom there in the restaurant, but I couldn’t wait! I put my head down on my arm, reached under my skirt and…f-fingered myself - gave myself an orgasm, right there at the table. I was terrified someone would come out of the kitchen and catch me, but I couldn’t stop."
Nadine looked up at me then. "I’m sorry, I know you told me not to but I couldn’t…" She looked away again. "Afterwards, when I was finally able to stand up, I started to leave – but then I realized that there was a huge wet stain on the back of my skirt and I couldn’t go out like that so I went to the restroom. And when I took off my skirt I had to remember all over again that you had my panties, and why you had them, and there I was standing in this dirty little restroom, naked from the waist down and trying to rinse this nasty stain out of my skirt with wet paper towels and dry it out with the hot-air blower so I could go back to being a lawyer with a nice office and lots of clients and I suddenly felt..." Her voice became pinched and nearly inaudible as she finished in a whisper, "…so ashamed."
I felt her shoulders shake against me as she began to cry. I reached down to stroke her hair and tried to reassure her. "Well, that’s not so sur-"
"No, you don’t understand!’ She turned her face up to me again so quickly that she shook my hand off. She took it in one of hers and laid it against her cheek, which was already wet with her tears. Her eyes seemed to plead with me as she went on. ‘That wasn’t the bad part. The bad part was when I realized that…it was turning me on again." She nodded her head jerkily for emphasis then looked down.
"All of it: the fact that I was in there half-naked because I’d masturbated out in the restaurant and stained my skirt; the fact that I’d masturbated because I couldn’t stop thinking about everything we’d done; the fact that I’d been made to feel like a dirty little slut and that I’d willingly participated in the process…and especially the fact that I felt so thoroughly humiliated by it all, so ashamed of myself. For some reason, that was making me get wet all over again."
She glanced up at me then down again. "I wanted to go right back out to that booth again just as I was, with no skirt or panties. I wanted you standing there…telling me to spread my legs again and ordering me to masturbate for you. I wanted… I wanted… Oh god, I wanted…" She broke down and sobbed, letting go of my hand and clutching my legs for support as she leaned against me.
I resumed stroking her hair, making little soothing noises and telling her it was all right. Eventually she got herself mostly under control again, and looked up at me, tears still streaming down her face. "That’s when I got scared," she said, sniffling. I reached over and plucked another tissue from the package and handed it to her. She wiped her face and nose and, holding the crumpled tissue in her fist, went on, "And that’s why…" she indicated the now-rumpled conservative outfit she was wearing. "I was trying to…"
"I know," I said softly, still stroking her hair. "I know."
"And I thought it was working, and that everything was going to go back to normal somehow. Then you came in…" She looked away again, and her breath got short as she remembered. "I was trying so hard to stay in control. I was going to have you sit down and we were going to discuss everything calmly, like friends. So when you started…tying me to the desk I was terrified. I thought you were really angry and you were going to hurt me, especially when you pushed those…my panties into my mouth and started tearing off my pantyhose. I was sure you were going to rape me.
"But then, after you…after you s-spanked me, and came around and sat down and talked to me, and explained everything to me and made sure I was all right, I suddenly started to feel…safe." Nadine looked up at me with a small wondering smile on her face. "That it didn’t matter what was going to happen next. That I could just…let go, because you had taken charge of me. And even though it was really uncomfortable and…and humiliating, being tied to the desk like that, it felt…right, somehow.
"Even when you left me there and went out, I still felt that everything was all right - that I was…being taken care of, even though you weren’t there. And not just because you’d left your phone…in my panties. Though I really, really liked that when you kept calling, ‘cause it meant you really were thinking about me, as you said – and it felt so good, too. I was just there because that’s where you wanted me, and that was enough.
"And then when you came back, I was so happy…and when you started, you know, teasing me and…and stroking me and…taking away all of my self-control and making me…scream like that…"
Nadine shook her head slowly, her eyes wide at the memory of it. "I was completely at your mercy…and I loved it. I loved not knowing when or if you were ever going to stop, whether you were going to let me…come or not. I loved knowing that you could do whatever you wanted with me and there was not a single thing I could do about it."
Her expression grew troubled. "Oh god, I don’t know who I am anymore. What I am."
She held onto me more tightly and looked up at me with anxious, searching eyes. After a moment I reached down and slowly drew Nadine to her feet and wrapped my arms around her waist, drawing her to me. She embraced me as well, and rested her head on my shoulder. I held her for a long time like that.
Then I reached up and took her by the shoulders, pulling her just far enough away so that we could look into each other’s eyes again. I smiled at her and said gently, "All right, Nadine, since you don’t know who or what you are anymore, I’m going to tell you."
I cupped her face in my hands and looked deeply into her eyes. "From now on, who you are and what you are is:
"Mine."
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